Open letter to the first love // 8 lessons you taught me

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In this generation, we can easily find someone who we think will be our knight and shining armor. It is easy to swipe right, send a message, and get right into it.

But in my case, I didn’t find it that easy. I stumbled upon anonymous guys who weren’t ready for any commitments. I longed for someone ready yet I cried for guys who I didn’t even get the chance to meet.

Thankfully, I found you.

You were in your most vulnerable state. You were broken yet extremely cute and lovable! You’ve had enough but still, you were also longing for true love.

We found love through the power of social connection. We spent time learning each others’ favorite things.

I was excited to sleep every night and wake up early to see your good morning texts. Or send you one if I wake up earlier.

You said you couldn’t wait for my reply too. We were so cute. Infatuation ruled us in the first months.

As time passed by, we were learning our differences. How you love playing video games and how I don’t eat one of your favorite snacks.

You didn’t like my bad habits and I felt sad because I knew you were right. I’ve been stubborn and distant whenever we fight but you were always reaching out.

We were young and foolish but you were the most valuable person for me at that time. You were my person. My future.

I’ll always remember how I felt on our first date. The courage that made me invite you to Paskuhan 2017. I remember my supportive friends saying, “just go for it.”

We had our best friends beside us during our first eyeball. I remember how awkward the first dates went but you slew it anyway.

I’ll never forget how excited I felt whenever I go to our meet up place because finally, I would get to see you after a long time again.

How I’m sorry whenever you be the first one to arrive, or how I’m patiently waiting for you to arrive, and thinking about how I’m going to kiss you publicly because I’ve missed you so much.

I didn’t want to forget our dates and how I felt whenever I’m with you (or not) that’s why I wrote you a notebook. That notebook had my memories of us.

But I never knew after writing the last page that it would also conclude our relationship.

I wanted to be the best person who supports you in your journey, to be there on your graduation day, and to be the first who congratulates you after PRC releases the results.

I wanted so much for us but it didn’t happen.

Although I never knew how crazy I was for our relationship to be the best. To the point where I didn’t recognize who I am. I didn’t realize my mistakes because I was also busy looking for yours.

Our relationship ended on your birthday in the same year as your board review. I was on the way to my university with my best friend trying to hold back the tears and save it for later.

I can still remember the message you sent as I read it walking to ministop. Of course, I stopped there to reply and try to get it over with.

It was sooo hard not to cry in a convenience store. I didn’t know what to do and I felt my organs grieving for me too.

You were a good dream. You were more than enough. 

We looked cute together. We could’ve grown cute babies. Start a family of 15 offspring. Live the best every day because it’s us against all odds.

I quote Ben & Ben as they said, was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours?

I knew there was.

And hey, I eat your favorite snack now.

The love lessons learned

I had a lot of mistakes and I’ve realized them now. These are the lessons I’ve learned from our relationship and what I want to remember and apply for the next one.

  1. It’s not all about me.
    I learned that when you were busy and were not able to send updates, it’s not because I was too much. But because you’re just busy and I’m just needy.

  2. Think from your partner’s perspective.
    Before being mad or feeling unfair because of what we were fighting about, I learned that I should have paused and thought about your points. Because again, it’s not all about me. And the purpose of arguments isn’t about being right but is to make progress.

  3. Communicate and have a mutual understanding.
    I tend to be distant whenever we start an uncomfortable fight. I learned that avoiding uncomfortable situations wouldn’t help solve any problem. Other people are right when they say that communication is key to a successful relationship.

  4. Ask and don’t assume.
    I learned this when we talked again lately. I was always assuming that you didn’t want to talk anymore so I just wouldn’t bother replying. When I could’ve asked you a simple question, “would you want to work this out again?”

  5. Be a child.
    Trying too hard to look like an adult and acting like I’ve got it all under control was a good thing in some cases. But in relationships, we must be a child and continue to be curious about our partners.
    What I want to be doing with you (winks) or the places I would want to go with you. Maybe you changed your dreams, your favorite position, your sad stories. I didn’t know these because I was busy being an adult.

  6. Know yourself first.
    To be honest, I didn’t know myself when I entered our relationship. I was going with the flow of life and I didn’t care where it might take me.
    I could’ve built myself first, know the things I want in life, love myself, before knowing and loving a potential life partner.

  7. Your partner, not your responsibility.
    Growing up I thought that if you have someone in life then you should be there in their tough times. That’s true but that doesn’t mean that we also have to shoulder every problem that they have.
    We shouldn’t be solving every problem if unasked for. Your personal issues shouldn’t be mine too. And only God can help us with those ✊🏽

  8. Be a Christ-like partner.
    I’m glad you are in the same religion as I. My mom was happy to know it because I’ve found a faithful partner. But I wasn’t religious.
    I learned to put Him first above all. Christians are right when they say that to be happy with our partners, our relationships must be Christ-centered.

Thank you for teaching me these lessons. I’m forever grateful that God had made you pass by in my life again. Know that you’ll always have a special place in my left ventricle.

In another life, I would be your girl. And I’ll always choose you in every life there is.

I love you before, now, and tomorrow.

You are enough and you are always worth it.

With love and golden glasses,
Maeve


Footnotes

Alexa play Lifetime by Ben & Ben

Here’s a move on pt. 2 collaborative playlist:

I asked my close friends to help add sad songs to it. 😂 Don’t be shy to add yours too. 😉

I know you don’t want to feel sad anymore. But there’s nothing wrong with feeling human emotions.

My last unsolicited advice:

If ever you are suffering, embrace it and don’t waste your pain.

I’ll be praying for you bih, always.

Just going to leave this here…


For everyone:
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PS. I’m okay! And thank you so much for reading.

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